1. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. 2. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. 3. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame. 4. Your home has more miles on it than your car. 5. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 6. There is a wasp nest in your living room. 7. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. 8. There is a gun rack on your bicycle. 9. Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event. 10. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill. 11. You go to the family reunion to pick up women. 12. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. 13. You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow. 14. You've ever shot a deer from inside your house. 15. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care. 16. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. 17. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator. 18. Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell. 19. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. 20. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA. 21. You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer. 22. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog. 23. You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space. 24. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 25. You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature. 26. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped. 27. Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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