A man walks into a bar and gets a drink. He sits down the front to listen to the singer. It's the best music he has ever heard, but the singer uses fuck, cock suckers and such words every two or three words. After hearing a song he liked the man asked the singer the name of the song. He replyed, "My dad did me up the ass with a pencil while he pissed into my face."
"Right." said the man.
He then hired the singer to play his brothers wedding, but asked the singer to tone down the swear words, the singer agreed.
So the wedding arived and the singer walked into the reception half an hour early, with playboy under his arm. As he was early he decided to go and have a wank. So he goes to the toilet and starts to tugg away. Whan he's finished he walked out to the sinks to meet a man. The man asked him who he was. He replied, "I'm the singer."
The man then seeing the singer's fly open and his dick hanging out and cum all over his trouser asked him, "Do you know that your dick is hanging out and there is cum all over his pants."
The singer replied, "Know it. I fuckin' wrote it."