You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesen't bother you. You've watched the movie "Deliverance" and you're afraid to go camping. For breakfast, you'd rather have potatoes than grits. You can name at least 4 hockey teams. You don't know what a moon pie is. You've never eaten okra. You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do. You have never planned your vacation around a gun-and-knife show. You don't have and problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. You've never had grain alcohol. You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. You have no idea what a polecat is. Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. You don't have bangs. You'd rather vacation at Martha's Vinyard than Six Flags. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show. You refer to two or more people as "you guys." You think more money should go th important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach. You prefer a bagel over a doughnut. You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob.) You get freaked out when people in public talk to you. None of your fur coats are made with real fur. You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is. You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for...(something) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. Your idea of a perfect meal is "Lahbsta and Clam Chawdah." You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year. Everything you know about The Cival War you learned watching TV. You don't "reckon." You're not "fixin" to do anything.
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