Cruel Things to Do on a Date

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1. Talk of your Teddy Bear 'Pooky'. 2. Eat your food by way of nose. 3. Or by ear. 4. Wear an attire consisting of a ducky floatation device, a rubber chicken, bunny slipper, viking helmet, a white t-shirt that states 'I'm with Stupid', and boxers with a smiley face in the pubical region. 5. Play a rousing tune of '100 bottles of beer' with a kazoo. 6. Bring a pillow named 'Chuckles' and refuse to put it away, scream and even put up a fit. 7. Everytime theres a dull silence sing 'But the Cat Came Back'. 8. Speak of your old gym socks. 9. Mumble things, and when he/she ever asks, simply yell its nothing and mumble loud enough for her to hear 'No One ever understands.' 10. Bring yourself a dialogue pad, but read it in front of her and read it blatlantly and with out feeling... 'My...your...hair...looks...uh, whats that say? Lovely.' 11. Grub him/her for large sums of money, when she/he asks why, state 'alamo... no reason.' 12. Speak in random french dialects and when you do you always say something unflattering, 'Your hair is brown, your eyes they are a part of your senses, etc. etc.' 13. If you dance do a completely innapropriate dance style, disco is usually a sure hit, ballet does a nice trick also especially if you did technique #4. 14. Scream periodically, 'Padiogoh!!! How dare you steal my picnic baskets!!!" 15. Bring a postal stamp that says "used" and punch her with it periodically. Giggle like your the smartest thing alive afterwards. 16. When going through your flirting dialogue turn into a psychitso and periodically yell in a high pitched voice, 'Not any more of the Flirtatious Banter!!!' then with your normal voice say quietely, 'SHUT UP.' 17. Wear a Beanie Hat, and keep insisting that she holds your hand at all times. 18. Carry things in your pocket that are rather frightening, and periodically reach into your hand, yell, 'WHAT THE HELL?!' and throw it onto him/her. (Skulls, Troll Doll Heads, Marilyn Manson tickets, play doh, goo, live rat, etc. etc.) 19. Talk about Discovery Channel Specials on the mating habits of Walrus'. 20. Anytime she ever reaches for your hand, food, arm, face, keys, etc. Bark at her, and do not stop barking at her until she has stepped back. Then growl at her for a few seconds then get back to what you were doing. 21. When you get to her house ask the dad for tips. (Both types work.) 22. Whenever she's talking too much have a galactic thumb war with yourself, humming will usually add an interesting element. 23. Throw flowers up in the air as you walk. (Not to be confused with throwing flowers behind the date.) 24. If she ever mentions morality scream, 'They're in my head!!! HELP!!!!! IT'S IN MY HEAD!!!!!!'. 25. Mimic her facial expressions and movement exactly. 26. Everytime she starts eating or drinking make disqusting slurping or rending noises. 27. Grin insanely everytime she speaks, and nod like you're neckbone had just suddenly snapped. 28. Suck your big toe. 29. Talk about the most disqusting type of surgery avaible, and make sure to be vivid in your description. 30. Giggle. 31. Like Giggling a lot. 32. I mean like giggling as in 'look at me I'm insane' kind of giggling. 33. Talk about yourself in the third person like you were a higher being. 34. Order a salad and yell, 'HAIL CEASAR!' and eat it like a pig. 35. Be yourself. 36. Hide behind your date at all times. 37. Wear diffrent types of contact apparellel, smiley faces and green snake eyes usually do the trick. 38. Think outloud about things you wouldn't say to a dumpster patron. 39. Play musical chairs around the restaurant. 40. Hide your face and play 'Peekaboo!'. 41. Carry a notepad with you and grade him/her try to be as insentisive about it as possible. 'Forgot to kiss me, check. Forgot to be my slave, check.' 42. Talk about relatives you're forbidden to talk about at home. 43. Bring a personal mirror and talk to it more than your date. 44. Play the violin with your legs. 45. Talk about their best friend non-stop. 46. Make sailors blush. 47. Grunt 48. Do your impersonation of an ape in mating season. 49. Say really dirty things to them in a foreign language. 50. Be sure to do everything as slow as possible. 51. Start a wonderful in depth conversation about toe fungus. 52. Wear a head-band with a feather and force her to call you, 'Redman' if she/him does not agree aggresively reply, 'My name is RedMan, How.' 53. Keep wiping your nose, see if she joins in. You'd be surprised how much joy such a simple game can bring. 54. When a a restaurant bill comes your way, fake a seizure. 55. Bring a pet snake with you and using special communication procedures to convince the snake that there is a juicy rat up your dates clothes. (Even funner if there is actually one.) 56. Choose from only the finest of restaurants with the greatest of deqouire... in other words one where the waiters almost wear clothes. 57. Slap her everytime she says 'it' see if she catches on... see if you live long. 58. Make yourself at home literally. (Wear only boxers and scratch at youself while burping the chorus to Hallehughla or however the hell its spelled, and argue over the remote.) 59. Speak in a romantic dialect: Klingon and GrUnT are my suggestions. 60. Nothing is more beautiful or romantic than candle fire iluminating your date, bring a flame thrower.

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C2COD_Cruel Things to Do on a Date

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