Four nuns died simultaneously in a car crash and arrived at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" "Yes, father," she replied, "I once touched a man's penis with the very tip of my finger." "Swish that offending finger in holy water," St. Peter instructed, "say a prayer begging forgiveness, and cross over into the promised land."
The second nun said, "Yes, father, I once touched a man's penis with my whole hand." St. Peter instructed this second offending girl to douse her entire hand in the holy water, say two prayers begging mercy, and proceed to heaven.
As nun #3 approached, nun #4 shoved her aside, "Father," she shouted, "if you expect me to gargle with that crap AFTER she dunks her ass in there, you've got another thing coming!"