"East Texas Driving Tips"
- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. - When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always gets the right of way. - Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. - When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. - Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. - Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. - Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
"East Texas Personal Hygiene"
- Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item. - If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. - While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. - Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
"East Texas Dating (outside the family)"
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. - Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago".
"East Texas Theater Etiquette"
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie had ended. - Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
"East Texas Wedding Etiquette"
- Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. - It's not OK for the groom to bring a date to the wedding. - A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent. - For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
"East Texas Etiquette for All Occasions"
- Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges. - Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. - Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone's else's car. - It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church, - Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, you should refrain from driving a U-Haul to the funeral home. - The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around. - Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
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