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I Like Monkeys Part Deux: I Like Cougars

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I LIKE MONKEYS PART DEUX I LIKE COUGARS

I like monkeys. I also don't learn very quickly. I like cougars.

I walked past the pet store and they were selling baby cougars for a penny a piece. This is unusual because it is illegal to sell cougars and if people were selling them they would probably be a couple thousand.

I like cougars.

So I bought 100 of them. (I though 200 was two much and I only had a dollar on me). I put them in my trunk of my car and drove home. Then I brought them up into my room. They were so cute! I was very tired so I went to sleep.

About an hour later, I woke to a growling sound. I screamed. There were 100 full grown cougars around my room. They were eating everything in sight. I snuck into my closet and stayed there until it was quiet. Then I peeked out and saw the cougars laying there doing nothing. They looked like they were dead.

I walked up to one and kicked it. It didn't move. They were dead alright. I had no idea what to do with them. They would decay soon and Christmas is a whole 11 months away. So I couldn't give them away as X-mas presents.

So I decided to sleep again. I woke up to a horrific smell. I was wrong. I only had 99 dead cougars. One was still alive. And he left brown smelly surprises all over my room. I was mad. So I grabbed the cougar by its tail and flung it against the wall 3,471 times until I was sure it was dead.

I saw a garbage truck outside. I ran outside and asked the garbage man if he would take dead cougars. He looked at me like I was crazy (which I'm not) and said "What is the matter with you? First you ask about dead monkeys, now dead cougars?" Then he drove away really fast.

I decided to burn them. This time I would do it outside on my deck because my bed was flammable. It took me a couple days to drag all the dead cougars out on the deck, but I finally did it.

I lit a match and threw it at the pile of dead cougars but missed. It hit the deck and it caught on fire. I never knew the deck was flammable. Then my house caught on fire. I ran. My house burned down to the ground.

Firemen came, the whole bit. I asked them if there was anything left. He said there were 100 dead cougars in my backyard. I screamed. Then I told the fire man that they weren't mine. He called somebody on the phone and this guy came and took them away. I was free!

The only bad thing about this was I had to move into an apartment with a mean landlord.

I like monkeys I like cougars.

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submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: animals, nature

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C173O_I Like Monkeys Part Deux: I Like Cougars

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