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Dogbert Answers My Mail -----------------------

In this section, Dogbert will answer some of the annoying e-mail messages that I get every day.

Dear Scott,

I plan to use Dilbert cartoons in my upcoming presentation to a large industry group. It's non-profit so I won't be paying you. Please find all the ones about "Teamwork" and mail them to me. I need them by tomorrow, so either FedEx or e-mail will be fine.


Dear June,

Nothing makes Mister Adams happier than a chance to give his work away for free, especially if it requires extra effort. Unfortunately, Mister Adams is busy cleaning rain gutters for other inconsiderate turds who figured it "wouldn't hurt to ask." So he will not be able to satisfy your request in a timely manner. He apologizes.

But here's a tip: You can spice up your presentation with paintings from the Louvre. Just write to the curator and ask him to mail you the "ones with cherubs exhibiting teamwork." If he gives you any trouble, remind him that you're non-profit and he's being a jerk.



Dear Scott,

I have a Web page that I think you'll enjoy, based on your quirky and irreverent style. Check it out and let me know what you think.



Dear Allan,

Mister Adams appreciates the opportunity to see if his personal preferences match those of strangers, especially if it takes some effort. That's the kind of thing he thinks about constantly. He thanks you for being so giving.

To reciprocate, Mister Adams suggests that you slap yourself in the head with a wooden spoon. Judging from your quirky and irreverent style, we think you'll enjoy it. Let us know what you think.


----------- Dear Scott,

My friend named his turtle Alteriox. It would be very funny if you named a character in the Dilbert strip Alterioxbert. We would all be very amused. If you do it, write and tell me because I don't read the strip.


Dear Randy,

That is an excellent suggestion for increasing the humor of the strip in a way that is relevant to a broad audience. In fact, Mister Adams plans to name ALL of the characters Alterioxbert, except for a new character called "Randy the Butt Pimple." Thank you for this excellent suggestion.



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submitted: 1+ years ago

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